Some of My Fav Quotes

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill


"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." --Winston Churchill, in response.






"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." --Stephen Bishop






"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." --John Bright






"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson






"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating






"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand






"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker






"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain






"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West






Bessie Braddock to Churchill, "Winston, you're drunk!"


Churchill: "Bessie, you're ugly, and tomorrow morning I shall be sober."






"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." - Oscar Wilde






"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)






"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder






"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx






The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:


She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."


He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."






A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease."


"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." --Benjamin Disraeli, British Prime Minister






"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr






"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill






"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." --Clarence Darrow






"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).






"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas






"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain






"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde






1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.


-- John Adams






2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.


-- Mark Twain






3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself.


-- Mark Twain






4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle .


-- Winston Churchill






5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.


-- George Bernard Shaw






6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.


-- G. Gordon Liddy






7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.


-- James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)






8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.


-- Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University






9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.


-- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian






10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.


-- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)






11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:


If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.


-- Ronald Reagan (1986)






12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.


-- Will Rogers


13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!


-- P.J. O'Rourke






14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.


-- Voltaire (1764)






15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!


-- Pericles (430 B.C.)






16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.


-- Mark Twain (1866)






17. Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.


-- Anonymous






18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.


-- Ronald Reagan






19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings.


The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.


-- Winston Churchill






20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.


-- Mark Twain






21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.


-- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)






22. There is no distinctly native American criminal class...save Congress.


-- Mark Twain






23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.


-- Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)






24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.


-- Thomas Jefferson






"A witty saying proves nothing." -Voltaire






1. Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.


-- Fran Lebowitz






2. Life is a sexually transmitted disease.


-- R.D. Laing






3. Life is just one damned thing after another.


-- Elbert Hubbard






4. It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over.


-- Edna St. Vincent Mallay






5. Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.


-- Woody Allen






6. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.


-- Will Rogers






7. I've been trying for some time to develop a lifestyle that doesn't require my presence.


-- Garry Trudeau






8. Life is just a bowl of pits.


-- Rodney Dangerfield






9. I hate life, I hate death and everything in between just doesn't interest me.


-- Chris Rapier






10. Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.


-- Woody Allen






11. Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.


-- Truman Capote






12. The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever.


-- Anatole France






13. I love acting. It is so much more real than life.


-- Oscar Wilde






14. Life is a long lesson in humility.


-- James M. Barrie






15. For most men life is a search for the proper manila envelope in which to get themselves filed.


-- Clinton Fadiman






16. When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.


-- Mark Twain






17. The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders.


-- Foster's Law






18. The deepest definition of youth is life as yet untouched by tragedy.


-- Alfred North Whitehead






19. Life is an unbroken succession of false situations.


-- Thornton Wilder






20. Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.


-- Paul Gaugin






21. If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it.


-- Arthur Schopenhauer






22. Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.


-- David Letterman






23. A happy childhood has spoiled many a promising life.


-- Robertson Davies






24. That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another....


-- Charles M. Schulz






It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.


-Fred Allen






It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time.


- Honore De Balzac






There's a certain part of the contented majority who love anybody who is worth a billion dollars.


- John Kenneth Galbraith






The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.


-Roseanne Barr.






A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.


-Oscar Wilde






One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.


- Oscar Wilde






Love's like the measles - all the worse when it comes late in life.


-Douglas Jerrold






Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.


-Henry Louis Mencken






Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.


-Joan Crawford






Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.


-W. Somerset Maugham